I'm going home

[acresofhope]

I'm sitting here with Daughtry's song Home on repeat and reading some old entries from October. Despite the progress I've made since then, I still think I desire sexual pleasure, food, rest and comfort more than God. And I'm still a big friggin' chicken when it comes to talking with people about Jesus. Forget that. I've barely left the house since March. I went out when my sister was here at the beginning of April, and a few days ago to the Christian bookstore. That's pretty much it. I'm not well.

None of this could possibly glorify God. And just in case you're on my list and haven't figured it out already, when I say 'God', I mean Jesus, who is not the same as Allah or any other deity. I don't know what everyone on my list believes, but I know not all of you believe the same as I do. I'm not hounding you to convert; not my job. I just want to make it clear who I'm talking about. Anywho...back to what I was saying. It's not that I expect myself to be perfect, but the way things are now...I don't see how anyone could look at me and say, "Jesus must be awesome," because I really suck at life right now. I just feel like after six and a half years, I should have more of a grip on things, but I don't. I feel like I'm going in circles.

Christians? Pray for me, please. And if anyone wants to flame me...do that too. I stopped caring about flames a long time ago.

Comments

[shinzakura.livejournal.com]

Nobody ever said the path was an easy one. Bear in mind that it's said that the path to Hell is paved with good intentions, each a brick of gold. If that's true, the opposite applies to the correct path - it's one fraught with missteps, trials and tribulations, full of potholes and debris and probably looks like a highway managed by the Nebraska Dept. of Roadways (reportedly the worst in the US).

The point is, you can't just stop and say you're done, you're a Christian. To do that is to fall into the path of folly. We are all wrecks, we are all failures. That is why we need God. Yeah, the person next to you might look like he's doing better, but what proof do you have of that? Can you see into his mind? What if he's relying on God to keep something at bay that's far worse than your issues?

Poet Maya Angelou said it cleanly and clearly, for all of us:

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

So pick up your cross and keep moving. You're by no means alone.

[acresofhope.livejournal.com]

Rob, you're awesome. As if I haven't said that before.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not throwing in the towel...mainly because God never gave me one. I just wish I was a better fighter.

[silverlightstar.livejournal.com]

I wholeheartedly agree with Rob (and man, I suck at replying). Humanity, at its best, is still much worse off without His intervention. At its worst, it reeks of sin, misery and death.

I suggest this: The moment that you're at your weakness, pray for strength (or even plead for it). Some of us may feel like we're not fighters or runners, but there are many references to win the fight or win the race for Christ, Who we keep our eyes on. Keep your eyes on Christ, Liz and never stop praying. *hug*

[acresofhope.livejournal.com]

I was told I need a Sword or something to kill sin with...would you know anything about this Sword? :p

I apparently need a lot more Word in my head.

[silverlightstar.livejournal.com]

Methinks I know about this here Sword...it's quite a sharp Sword and it cuts through the lies of this world. Apparently, the One that crafted this Sword is a Mighty One indeed!

*hug*

[onmiway2heaven.livejournal.com]

Oh honey, I feel the same way. How can I be a good witness when I'm living like this? I really feel like everything is out of whack, too. *hugs*

[ex-airehen.livejournal.com]

Hey don't give up yet. The fact that you're still striving and longing to be closer to God is important. Our growing relationship with Jesus is a process it doesn't all happen overnight.

We are imperfect and we live in an imperfect world. But what is more is that we know the Creator and He loves us even though we're imperfect.

Continue to read, learn, and grow. Something I seem to be studying a lot recently is about how the life of a growing Christian who is loved by God is not easy. He allows things to happen in our lives so that we can/will grow in our faith.

It's alright that you feel like you don't know a lot. It would only be bad if you thought you already knew everything. Which is something we will not even get close to until we gome Home. I've been a Christian since elementary, and I still struggle. Hang in there sis'.