I'm going home

[acresofhope]

I'm sitting here with Daughtry's song Home on repeat and reading some old entries from October. Despite the progress I've made since then, I still think I desire sexual pleasure, food, rest and comfort more than God. And I'm still a big friggin' chicken when it comes to talking with people about Jesus. Forget that. I've barely left the house since March. I went out when my sister was here at the beginning of April, and a few days ago to the Christian bookstore. That's pretty much it. I'm not well.

None of this could possibly glorify God. And just in case you're on my list and haven't figured it out already, when I say 'God', I mean Jesus, who is not the same as Allah or any other deity. I don't know what everyone on my list believes, but I know not all of you believe the same as I do. I'm not hounding you to convert; not my job. I just want to make it clear who I'm talking about. Anywho...back to what I was saying. It's not that I expect myself to be perfect, but the way things are now...I don't see how anyone could look at me and say, "Jesus must be awesome," because I really suck at life right now. I just feel like after six and a half years, I should have more of a grip on things, but I don't. I feel like I'm going in circles.

Christians? Pray for me, please. And if anyone wants to flame me...do that too. I stopped caring about flames a long time ago.

Comments

[shinzakura.livejournal.com]

Nobody ever said the path was an easy one. Bear in mind that it's said that the path to Hell is paved with good intentions, each a brick of gold. If that's true, the opposite applies to the correct path - it's one fraught with missteps, trials and tribulations, full of potholes and debris and probably looks like a highway managed by the Nebraska Dept. of Roadways (reportedly the worst in the US).

The point is, you can't just stop and say you're done, you're a Christian. To do that is to fall into the path of folly. We are all wrecks, we are all failures. That is why we need God. Yeah, the person next to you might look like he's doing better, but what proof do you have of that? Can you see into his mind? What if he's relying on God to keep something at bay that's far worse than your issues?

Poet Maya Angelou said it cleanly and clearly, for all of us:

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not shouting "I'm clean livin."
I'm whispering "I was lost,"
Now I'm found and forgiven.

When I say..."I am a Christian"
I don't speak of this with pride.
I'm confessing that I stumble
and need CHRIST to be my guide.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not trying to be strong.
I'm professing that I'm weak
and need HIS strength to carry on.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not bragging of success.
I'm admitting I have failed
and need God to clean my mess.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not claiming to be perfect,
My flaws are far too visible
but, God believes I am worth it.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I still feel the sting of pain,
I have my share of heartaches
So I call upon His name.

When I say... "I am a Christian"
I'm not holier than thou,
I'm just a simple sinner
who received God's good grace, somehow.

So pick up your cross and keep moving. You're by no means alone.

[acresofhope.livejournal.com]

Rob, you're awesome. As if I haven't said that before.

Thanks for the encouragement. I'm not throwing in the towel...mainly because God never gave me one. I just wish I was a better fighter.