Oct. 7th, 2006

acresofhope: (ever after afraid)
I feel so lonely right now. Not alone, but lonely. It's not like I don't feel Him here with me. I know He is. I'm lonely for some human affection, someone to hug me and/or tell me everything's going to be okay. Someone human to talk to. I know I need God more than people, but for some reason I don't think God created us to be without other humans.

Maybe I'm just being selfish, because I've been doing an awful lot of that over the past few months without even realizing it. I don't know anymore. Sometime in the future I will, but not yet. I don't blame those who don't trust me anymore, because I don't trust me either. If it's at all possible, I'm going to find you guys one day so I can apologize to you all in person.

I don't know what else to write, except to warn everyone reading this not to compromise even the slightest bit. You'll just keep doing it little by little until you're in over your head. You might not even realize how bad it is until someone leaves you. I don't want that to happen to any of you.

And be careful what you pray for. God is faithful, He will answer you, and it might be painful. I know it is for me right now. Be sure you're ready for it. I know everything will be okay, because even though these people aren't speaking to me, they are Christ followers, and those relationships will be restored eventually, even if it's in Heaven. I do hope, though, that it'll be before then.

I need to go to sleep.
acresofhope: (raven fire)
Romans 6:1-14, emphasis mine

What shall we say the? Are we to continue in sin so that grace my increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin still live in it? Or do you not know that all of us who have been baptized into Christ Jesus have been baptized into His death?

Therefore we have been buried with Him through baptism into death, so that Christ was raised from the dead through the glory of the Father, so we too might walk in newness of life. For if we have become united with Him in the likeness of His death, certainly we shall also be in the likeness of His resurrection, know this, that our old self was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin; for he who has died is freed from sin.

Now if we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with Him, knowing that Christ, having been raised from the dead, is never to die again; death no longer is master over Him. For the death that He died, He died to sin once for all; but the life that He lives, He lives to God. Even so consider yourselves to be dead to sin, but alive to God in Christ Jesus.

Therefore do not let sin reign in your mortal body so that you obey its lusts, and do not go on presenting the members of your body to sin as instruments of unrighteousness; but present yourselves to God as those alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness to God. For sin shall not be master over you, for you are no under law but under grace.


I spent nearly all of yesterday afternoon on into the night listening to John Piper preach on this passage. All verses are important for Christ followers, but the bolded ones are those that stick out to me.

I've been acting like a slave girl, but I'M NOT. I acted that way because I believed the lie that I was. I believed that lie because I haven't had my nose in the Bible. I don't have to do it every waking second, but I hadn't been at all. I barely prayed, and at one point, I think I even stopped listening for His voice during the day.

In my heart, I know who I am. I know I love hearing His voice, I know I love finding Him in unexpected places, I know I love movies like The Lion King because of Him, I know I could sing songs to Him all day if you'd let me. I don't care if anyone believes that, because I know that's who I am at the core of my being. I just have to watch myself and not become prideful, so that I live from the core of my being instead of from my body, my skin. I am dead to sin. Or as John Piper likes to say, "Dead people don't sin!"

I have much more to say, but I need a shower.
acresofhope: (raven fire)
I know I said I have more to say, but it was really only this: thanks for to all of you who have commented. I'm just trying to make it a day at a time, but you're helping.

Thanks even more to the people who aren't commenting. You know who you are. I know at least one of you is reading this. Way to slap me in the face, guys. I needed that.
acresofhope: (Default)
Tomorrow's Sunday, and I'm starting to get nervous.

Looking for a job...oh boy.
acresofhope: (the eyes)
My mom bought Disney's The Little Mermaid today. I'm not sure if this is the perfect time for her to do it, or the worse time. I'm supposed to be pulling away from fantasy, so going back to my favorite childhood movie could be bad. But at the same time...I've been watching the extra stuff on disk two, and just hearing the music feels me with this...I don't know how to describe it. Just...something really powerful.

*sigh*

Here goes nothing.
acresofhope: (ooo shiny)
You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun.
And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial.
Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well.
However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

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