"Who can stand in your holy place?"
Oct. 12th, 2006 02:49 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
acresofhopeAnyone who has been reading knows I've been reading Romans. Well, today, God brought to mind something in Romans 2 about teaching. I have said many things about showing mercy...but do I? Do I, who asks for mercy, show it to others? I'd like to say I do, because nothing comes to mind.
But then something did. I show myself far too little mercy. When I do something wrong, no matter how small or insignificant, it's like I crumble under the weight of it. And trust me, this thing that's happened that I've been going on about is not small or insignificant.
How do I show myself mercy? How do I forgive myself? While I know one day all this pain will be erased, both mine and my friends', and God has forgiven all wrongs, and our relationships will be restored in eternity...it just doesn't take away the pain they feel, or that I feel, right now. I would be worried if I didn't feel something. But when does it stop being healthy and become unmerited guilt?
I don't know the answer to those questions, and I don't think any of you do either. I'm almost certain I'll never really understand it logically, because matters like this aren't logical.
I need to get some sleep if I hope to be lucid enough to fill out job applications.
On an odd yet interesting note: I didn't even know I knew the word 'lucid'.
But then something did. I show myself far too little mercy. When I do something wrong, no matter how small or insignificant, it's like I crumble under the weight of it. And trust me, this thing that's happened that I've been going on about is not small or insignificant.
How do I show myself mercy? How do I forgive myself? While I know one day all this pain will be erased, both mine and my friends', and God has forgiven all wrongs, and our relationships will be restored in eternity...it just doesn't take away the pain they feel, or that I feel, right now. I would be worried if I didn't feel something. But when does it stop being healthy and become unmerited guilt?
I don't know the answer to those questions, and I don't think any of you do either. I'm almost certain I'll never really understand it logically, because matters like this aren't logical.
I need to get some sleep if I hope to be lucid enough to fill out job applications.
On an odd yet interesting note: I didn't even know I knew the word 'lucid'.
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Date: 2006-10-13 12:22 am (UTC)Now, okay, most people wouldn't even attempt to take Arabic. And would be thrilled if they could get through a quiz. AND most college students would love to be able to read literature stories quickly and retain them and make a B on a midterm exam. And if someone else told me that they had gotten those grades, I would be proud of them and tell them that they had nothing to worry about. And I would mean it.
But why am I flipping out and feeling despondent and ready to give up school? hm? *sigh*