oh boy

[acresofhope]

I didn't get up this morning to go job-hunting. No one got me up. Someone was supposed to, because I don't have my own room, and therefore, I don't have my own alarm clock. But even if someone had tried, I doubt they could have awakened me.

I didn't get a wink of sleep until my brothers started getting ready for school. I spent most of the night trying to push away the lies and guilt. "It's your fault. You hurt them. You hurt the person you love most in the world. They hate you, he hates you." This I hear inside my head at random times. Or at least people would perceive them as random. I don't think they are. Call me crazy, but there's an invisible war going on.

I can't be the one coming up with these things! And I know it's not God! He wouldn't talk to me like that! I want it to STOP! I need to sleep. If I don't sleep, I'll never get a job, and I know that's what God is pushing me to do. I want to do it! I need to do it! So just...SHUT UP! In the name of Yeshua, SHUT. UP. I'm going to do this, and no one is going to stop me!

*sigh*

I don't care if you think I'm crazy. And I actually mean that.

Now to listen to John Piper.

Comments

[terra-fanatic.livejournal.com]

I don't think you're crazy. And I know you did. Keep on Liz, keep on.

[onmiway2heaven.livejournal.com]

AMEN. That made me feel empowered. lol