acresofhope: (Default)
I'm sitting here with Daughtry's song Home on repeat and reading some old entries from October. Despite the progress I've made since then, I still think I desire sexual pleasure, food, rest and comfort more than God. And I'm still a big friggin' chicken when it comes to talking with people about Jesus. Forget that. I've barely left the house since March. I went out when my sister was here at the beginning of April, and a few days ago to the Christian bookstore. That's pretty much it. I'm not well.

None of this could possibly glorify God. And just in case you're on my list and haven't figured it out already, when I say 'God', I mean Jesus, who is not the same as Allah or any other deity. I don't know what everyone on my list believes, but I know not all of you believe the same as I do. I'm not hounding you to convert; not my job. I just want to make it clear who I'm talking about. Anywho...back to what I was saying. It's not that I expect myself to be perfect, but the way things are now...I don't see how anyone could look at me and say, "Jesus must be awesome," because I really suck at life right now. I just feel like after six and a half years, I should have more of a grip on things, but I don't. I feel like I'm going in circles.

Christians? Pray for me, please. And if anyone wants to flame me...do that too. I stopped caring about flames a long time ago.
acresofhope: (the eyes)
Well, a few days ago I talked about something that made me really happy, and now, I will tell you what is was. Which is why the subject of this post is the rest of the lyric from A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes. All of it wouldn't fit in the last subject. Neat how that worked out.

I listened to part one and two of "But I Say to You, Love Your Enemies". Somehow, no matter the subject he's teaching on, this guy ends up going back to the gospel. To him, it's central to everything and to take your eyes off grace for a moment is setting yourself up for disobedience.

But I'm getting off track.

The very first word of the Sermon on the Mount—and this is no mistake—is, "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven." We don't enter the kingdom of heaven because of the moral resources that we bring; we enter by confessing with tears our poverty of spirit.

In Mark 10:15 Jesus said, "Truly I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it at all." It is a gift to the poor in spirit who are broken and childlike and have no airs of self-sufficiency.

In Mark 2:17 Jesus said, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners." We enter the kingdom poor in spirit, helpless as a child, sick and in need of a spiritual physician.

This is what Jesus was doing when he ate with tax collectors and sinners—he was pursuing the poor and the helpless and the sick. And the self-sufficient murmured, "This man receives sinners and eats with them" (Luke 15:2). And when they said that, Jesus told them the parable of the prodigal son. And the point was: I don't eat with sinners because I like sin. I eat with sinners because I am the love of God welcoming home poor, helpless, diseased sinners—forgiving them, cleansing them, making them new, and sending them out to love in the power of God.

Which is why he could say to the priests and elders in Matthew 21:31, "Truly I say to you that the tax-gatherers and harlots are going into the kingdom of God before you."

How can this be: sinners and harlots going into the kingdom of God? The bottom line answer Jesus gave: "The Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many" (Mark 10:45). He came to die for them—for us.


I was sitting there, listening to his words (which are only summarized in the transcript) and getting excited, especially the parts about being sick and "prostitutes go into the kingdom of God before you." (Matt 21:31 ESV) Now I was never a prostitute, but I was close enough to it to identify with that. I was so excited that I jumped up out of my seat and was like "Me! That's me!"

As soon as I did it, I realized how crazy I must have looked. How odd is it to say "Yay, I'm a sick whore!" I mean, I'm certainly not happy that I have all these issues or that I'm so bent to let Him down. I guess the part I'm happy about is that I know He has forgiven me, and I know He has, in one sense, cleansed me, and in another sense, is still cleansing me and making me new.

I guess that's the whole point of the sermon though, isn't it? Jesus loved His enemies. How can you claim to follow someone like that, who is perfect and has every right to hate His enemies, and not love your own enemies? Sounds pretty impossible to me. Maybe it'd be a gradual thing, but you'd love your enemies.
acresofhope: (hide me)
Three words: Slash. Is. Nauseating.
acresofhope: (Default)
I really struggle sometimes with how to moderate some of my communities. I try not to judge other people, and I guess I do a good job of that most of the time. Sometimes, though, I wonder if I'm being a fluff-bunny about it because I'm afraid of being viewed as judgmental.

Example...recently, on another blog site, someone requested to join my gothic Christian community. On her profile, the girl said she's bisexual, and in one of her posts, that she's looking for a girlfriend. Now granted, I can't say if this girl is a Christian or not...but it bothers me. I don't say that from a judgmental standpoint at all. I used to be the same way. I gave up my bisexual lifestyle because I know God views it as sin, and I just couldn't take that dark cloud hanging over my relationship with Him, and I don't see how any other Christian could do that, either. Same with any other sin, whether homosexual sin, heterosexual sin, lying, cheating, stealing, coveting (ow, my toes!)...it's all the same to God, and it should eat away at us until we can't do those things anymore.

The reason I struggle with this so much is I realize we all (Christians) have freedom in Christ, and that we don't have to obey. The only problem is, I don't see how anyone could know Christ and not want to.

Needless to say...I've yet to come to a decision about the girl.

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April 2010

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