acresofhope: (kira pain)
I was nudged (on LJ, though I am also updating my IJ at the same time; yay technology), so I'm updating.

There really isn't much to say. This past year has been really hard for me. I've barely left the house. I guess my parents splitting up has been harder on me than I thought. At first I was glad my mom moved out, but now...I realize I've almost locked myself in the house since she left. I don't know what's up with that. I try to go out sometimes...but then I don't. Just for groceries.

Thank you to those of you who've been praying for me. I know there's at least one. How you knew what to pray for I can only explain by supernatural means.

Mainly I've been roleplaying. I learn a lot from my characters, especially Kira Ford, but I can't seem to apply any of it. I can only ask for more prayer.

I'm lost. I want to be found again.

Edit: Oh, and I'm voting for Tommy Oliver this year. Yes you read that right.
acresofhope: (at His feet)
Let love be genuine. Abhor what is evil; hold fast to what is good. Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor. Do not be slothful in zeal, be fervent in spirit, serve the Lord. Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer. Contribute to the needs of the saints and seek to show hospitality. Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse them. Rejoice with those who rejoice, weep with those who weep. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be conceited. Repay no one evil for evil, but give thought to do what is honorable in the sight of all. If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all. Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." To the contrary, "if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his head." Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Romans 12:9-21 ESV

I have just finished listening to a sermon from John Piper on these verses. Boy, does this hit home. Yet another ouch moment.

I don't even know how to respond to this. I have complained and, most likely, repaid evil for evil. And even now, I am tempted to excuse myself by saying not that it is not in the way that some would think I have. It really doesn't matter which way I have. I shouldn't have, plain and simple.

I want to obey this now, even if I haven't been...but where does the genuineness come from? How do I genuinely bless and not curse? I don't know how to do that! All I can do is fall on my face before God and scream, "PLEASE, TEACH ME!" and hope, with a Biblical kind of hope that is better described as expectation, for a miracle.


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April 2010

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