acresofhope (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
acresofhope) wrote2007-01-16 11:48 pm
acresofhope) wrote2007-01-16 11:48 pm
Entry tags:
oh boy...
This will most likely be long, so this will be cut.
I know I've written on this passage before, probably most recently during what I like to call "the drama of October '06". Now, after listening to six (yes, six) sermons worth of John Piper's (links beneath Bible verses), I think I understand it, as well as myself better. Not that I agree with him on everything. He just supports Bible with Bible (as well as reason) more than anyone I've heard recently. Though some people consider this to be describing pre-Christian experience, I've alway looked at it as describing Christian experience simply because I have those experiences as a Christian.
It's probably the hardest thing to explain to my friends who aren't Christians, and even some who claim they are, that I'm such a divided person. There's a reason why Jesus talks about being "born again", because that is a good description of what happens. There is a part of me, about six years old, who is crazy about Jesus, who wants to please Him in every way, hateshatesHATES sin and be with Him forever and ever. Then...there's this other part of me...the embarrassing part. There's also a part of me, however much I don't like it, that could care less about God. She's lazy, manipulative, mean-spirited and very lusty, turned on by slutty/sexually aggressive people of both sexes (yes, Lyn, including Roy). She wants what she wants and is willing to do whatever it takes to get it.
I don't want to go on. Really, I don't. It's like having a split personality, and they hate each other. They make each other sick. This is, for some reason, the way God designed the Christian life, to be a war between the carnal self and the spiritual self. To a point, it depresses me. I mean, here I want to the deepest part of me to live a certain way, but I know I'm going to screw up eventually. I had this one girl I really respected tell me just months after I became a Christian not to even worry about it, that I was forgiven and I didn't need to try to be perfect...followed by an example, mainly her purposely sinning and saying she's forgiven of it. My respect for her drained pretty quickly. Her response just didn't feel right to me. I mean, sure, it'd be easy...I would just have a part of me that hated myself every single day.
So...the only way to be true to myself is...I have to figure out which of these two sides is who I really am and go with it. The Bible and my experience agree that my new self (rather than my carnal self) is who I really am, so I go with that. Sure, my old self drives me up the wall sometimes, but at the deepest part of me I'm just plain happier when I do what the Bible teaches.
But still, the depression when I fail. And I fail like whoa sometimes. (Did I just say "like whoa"?) Piper said something about being "unredeemed in stages", and I think that means I shouldn't worry about my failures and just pick myself up and go again, because one day I'll be fully redeemed, body and all, so I don't need to get depressed. *scratches head* See, this is why I think the Bible is divinely inspired. I don't think any man is deep enough to just make this stuff up. I just know one of my first questions to God when I get to heaven is "why the heck did You do it that way?!"
Ya know, I remember Rob Bell writing something about faith being like a trampoline, with doctrine as the springs, being flexible so that if you get something wrong, the whole thing doesn't fall apart, because doctrine is not the point. I think he's right in a way. You should give your faith space to grow as you learn more from Scripture and experience. And finally, someone said doctrine is not the point, because so many people make it the point and turn into people who just want to win arguments. I think he got the imagery off a little, though. I think the doctrine is in ground beneath the trampoline. If you put it on stable enough ground, a trampoline can be fun. But if it's on unstable ground, jumping on it is going to lead to injury, if not death. I mean, getting a few things wrong might not be so bad, depending on what it is. That's just the way the Bible...well, life is. And of course, you could always have some really level ground and misstep and still fall off the trampoline. I think when that happens, you have to examine the ground you put it on, make necessary adjustments and get right back on.
...
Ya know, sometimes I wonder if anything I write makes any sense.
For we know that the Law is spiritual, but I am of flesh, sold into bondage to sin. 15 For what I am doing, I do not understand; for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate. 16 But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good. 17 So now, no longer am I the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 18 For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh; for the willing is present in me, but the doing of the good is not. 19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.
Romans 7:14-25
link 1 2 3 4 5 6
I know I've written on this passage before, probably most recently during what I like to call "the drama of October '06". Now, after listening to six (yes, six) sermons worth of John Piper's (links beneath Bible verses), I think I understand it, as well as myself better. Not that I agree with him on everything. He just supports Bible with Bible (as well as reason) more than anyone I've heard recently. Though some people consider this to be describing pre-Christian experience, I've alway looked at it as describing Christian experience simply because I have those experiences as a Christian.
It's probably the hardest thing to explain to my friends who aren't Christians, and even some who claim they are, that I'm such a divided person. There's a reason why Jesus talks about being "born again", because that is a good description of what happens. There is a part of me, about six years old, who is crazy about Jesus, who wants to please Him in every way, hateshatesHATES sin and be with Him forever and ever. Then...there's this other part of me...the embarrassing part. There's also a part of me, however much I don't like it, that could care less about God. She's lazy, manipulative, mean-spirited and very lusty, turned on by slutty/sexually aggressive people of both sexes (yes, Lyn, including Roy). She wants what she wants and is willing to do whatever it takes to get it.
I don't want to go on. Really, I don't. It's like having a split personality, and they hate each other. They make each other sick. This is, for some reason, the way God designed the Christian life, to be a war between the carnal self and the spiritual self. To a point, it depresses me. I mean, here I want to the deepest part of me to live a certain way, but I know I'm going to screw up eventually. I had this one girl I really respected tell me just months after I became a Christian not to even worry about it, that I was forgiven and I didn't need to try to be perfect...followed by an example, mainly her purposely sinning and saying she's forgiven of it. My respect for her drained pretty quickly. Her response just didn't feel right to me. I mean, sure, it'd be easy...I would just have a part of me that hated myself every single day.
So...the only way to be true to myself is...I have to figure out which of these two sides is who I really am and go with it. The Bible and my experience agree that my new self (rather than my carnal self) is who I really am, so I go with that. Sure, my old self drives me up the wall sometimes, but at the deepest part of me I'm just plain happier when I do what the Bible teaches.
But still, the depression when I fail. And I fail like whoa sometimes. (Did I just say "like whoa"?) Piper said something about being "unredeemed in stages", and I think that means I shouldn't worry about my failures and just pick myself up and go again, because one day I'll be fully redeemed, body and all, so I don't need to get depressed. *scratches head* See, this is why I think the Bible is divinely inspired. I don't think any man is deep enough to just make this stuff up. I just know one of my first questions to God when I get to heaven is "why the heck did You do it that way?!"
Ya know, I remember Rob Bell writing something about faith being like a trampoline, with doctrine as the springs, being flexible so that if you get something wrong, the whole thing doesn't fall apart, because doctrine is not the point. I think he's right in a way. You should give your faith space to grow as you learn more from Scripture and experience. And finally, someone said doctrine is not the point, because so many people make it the point and turn into people who just want to win arguments. I think he got the imagery off a little, though. I think the doctrine is in ground beneath the trampoline. If you put it on stable enough ground, a trampoline can be fun. But if it's on unstable ground, jumping on it is going to lead to injury, if not death. I mean, getting a few things wrong might not be so bad, depending on what it is. That's just the way the Bible...well, life is. And of course, you could always have some really level ground and misstep and still fall off the trampoline. I think when that happens, you have to examine the ground you put it on, make necessary adjustments and get right back on.
...
Ya know, sometimes I wonder if anything I write makes any sense.